A Winter Marriage


I'm wondering what it would be like to be one of those families in the northeast. I've watched the news reports showing the snow piled up over the doors and windows of homes. I've heard the reports that even though people and snow plows are trying to clear the snow away, there is so much snow, they don't know where to put it. Here in the south, we've had a few snows in the past, and although getting out on the roads is not something I choose to do, I can at least look out my windows and step outside my back door for some fresh air. I can't imagine being trapped in a tomb of snow.

I wonder how many people feel as though they are trapped in a winter marriage? Has the pain and anger begun to cover the windows? Have negative communication patterns trapped couples inside with no chance of opening the door and letting in some fresh air? Do they long for spring to come bringing renewal and refreshing from the cold, dreary winter?

You don't have to be in a blending family to experience a winter marriage. But, blending families provide so many more opportunities. There are stepchildren and ex-spouses. There may be pain and unforgiveness from a previous marriage that is setting the tone in the new family. Negative communication patterns may be imported from a previous relationship.

The problem with the snow in the northeast right now is that the temperature isn't rising enough to melt the snow. And a continual line of storms continue to drop more snow. The future looks bleak. There is little hope for change in the immediate future.

So what about your winter marriage? Is it so cold that the chances of melting the snow is next to impossible? Has the snow continued to fall, building a frozen fortress around your house that prevents anyone from getting out in the fresh air?

While the northeast is at the mercy of the weather patterns, your marriage isn't. You are the one who holds the forecast for your marriage. What can you do to hasten the arrival of a springtime marriage? Here are four suggestions.

1. Let your frigid tone with your spouse begin to melt. Warm up your words and let the cold bite of your speech thaw. Listen to how you speak to your spouse. Do your words affirm and warm their heart or are your words frozen icicles bringing a chill? Are your words gentle and tender, or harsh and angry? Listen to how you sound.

2. Take a moment to warm them with a hug. Stop where you are and put your arms around your mate bringing warmth to them. It is amazing how quickly touch can begin to thaw even the coldest of days.

3. Take the chill out of the air of your marriage by doing something today to serve your mate. "Steal" your husband's car while he's at work and surprise him with a clean car after work. Clear the dishes for your wife. Bring a hot cup of coffee to your mate first thing in the morning.

4. Create a burst of heat by surprising your mate with something they love. Cook your husbands favorite dinner. Stop off on the way home from work and pick up flowers for your wife, "just because." Send a text just to let your spouse know you are thinking about them during your busy day.

Every marriage needs a boost every now and then. The longer you let the snow pile up, the harder it is to clear away and melt. When you notice the accumulation beginning, take the time to sweep it away. Don't let the low temperatures and continual snowfall from the relentless storms block you in. Let the sunshine bring warmth as you clear away the snow.

"However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband."   Ephesians 5:33

About the author:

Teri is passionate about teaching, writing, and ministering to fellow sojourners. She spends her days working in ministry and her evenings and weekends being wife and mom.